Maybe you think you’ve got it tough. But few people have more responsibilities than a building manager. Nothing could be worse than having to be the manager of the buildings on this list.
1. HOTEL CALIFORNIA
ORIGIN: Song by the Eagles
CLAIM TO FAME: Such a lovely place
DOWNSIDE: You can never leave
Photo source: t2.gstatic.com
Any time of the year, you can find it here.
Yes, this is the hotel they all sing about. And you are thinking to yourself: “Being the building manager of this could be heaven!” Yes, but being the building manager of this could also be hell. You’re following this girl with a candle, who drives a Mercedes and dances with a lot of pretty boys, and you’re thinking everything is going to be fine.
Photo source: onviolence.com
Like a roach motel, they never check out.
But when night falls, you see the horrifying reality of the building: nobody ever leaves. They are prisoners, perhaps of their own devices, or perhaps of devices more sinister. Men are at the counter weeping, checking out, but unable to leave.
Some blame the effigy in the master’s chambers, stabbing it with their steely knives, but they just can’t kill the beast. It’s a hotel filled with cursed individuals who can never escape. And you’re in charge of it. Sleep tight.
2. THE MONEY PIT
ORIGIN: Movie with Tom Hanks
CLAIM TO FAME: Low price for a mansion
DOWNSIDE: Completely falling apart
Photo source: 4.bp.blogspot.com
Rule Number One: Always inspect your home with full light.
Being in charge of a mansion sounds like such fun, doesn’t it? Many people dream of living in a mansion when they grow up. Giant staircases, so many rooms, the possibilities are endless. And you know you could host all the best parties and invite all of your friends over at once.
Photo source: online.wsj.com
The BIGger they are, the harder they fall.
The downside is, building upkeep is expensive. If you have a house ten times as large as everyone else’s, it probably costs ten times as much to heat. And to maintain. And to repair.
And this particular house, of course, was sold as a scam. So now you’re in charge of a dilapidated pile of old wood, you can’t just tear it down because people are trying to live there, but nothing in the house can even support their weight, so the whole thing is a giant death-trap.
3. DANVERS STATE INSANE ASYLUM
ORIGIN: Featured in Session 9
CLAIM TO FAME: Could be nice after clean-up
DOWNSIDE: Haunted by dark spirits
Photo source: hauntednorthamerica.webs.com
Actually a color photo of a place so creepy, it’s black and white.
Danvers State Insane Asylum was one terrifying place in the movie Session 9. The toxic materials in the building combined with some restless spirits to make an absolute nightmare for the crew in charge of cleaning the place up. No question, when it comes to the Hollywood version of Danvers State Asylum, few things are creepier.
Photo source: 2.bp.blogspot.com
One of them, however, is the *actual* Danvers State Insane Asylum. Because there were, in fact, all sorts of unspeakable treatments carried out on the insane or otherwise maltreated residents of Danvers. From lobotomies to good old fashioned holes in the skull, patient treatments at Danvers had a rough reputation.
Add this to the fact that it was originally part of Salem (of Witch Trial fame), and inspired Arkham Asylum (of HP Lovecraft and Batman fame), and you begin to see how being in charge of the real building would be even worse than the fake one.
4. CARL FREDRICKSEN’S HOUSE
ORIGIN: Pixar’s movie Up
CLAIM TO FAME: Lofted by balloons
DOWNSIDE: Lofted by balloons
Photo source: 2.bp.blogspot.com
Nice Victorian model house, even if the color is tacky.
All in all, the home of Carl Fredricksen seems like a pretty decent one to be in charge of. Color scheme aside, it’s a manageable size, no history of haunting or death, well-maintained, and generally a fine house to run. As long as it’s on the ground.
Photo source: themovieness.com
“Hooray! I’m finally off the grid!”
Unfortunately, as soon as the house takes off, it becomes a nightmare to manage. First of all, most basic systems of a house, such as electricity and plumbing, rely on that house being connected to the grid. Try managing a building sometime with no water and no electricity.
Also, good luck finding the house when you show up for your monthly inspection. And don’t even get us started on how many different states you have to pay property tax in.
5. LEANING TOWER OF PISA
ORIGIN: Pisa, Italy
CLAIM TO FAME: Popular tourist photo
DOWNSIDE: Imminent destruction
Photo source: freefoto.com
Is it safe? I’m leaning towards ‘no.’
The Tower of Pisa, a.k.a. the Leaning Tower of Pisa, is perhaps Italy’s most famous landmark. It is primarily famous because tourists take all sorts of “clever” pictures of it, with the tourist in the foreground and the tower in the background. Holding up the tower, knocking down the tower, etc., etc.? Very droll, tourists, very droll.
Photo source: tunliweb.no
“Who built this Pisa junk?”
The main problem with the leaning Tower of Pisa is that it’s leaning. Disastrously. Likely to fall over at any moment. It’s like managing Abe Vigoda. Trying to get an entire building to stop falling over and be upright again would be a nightmare. What’s more, even if you had an unlimited budget, you wouldn’t want to fix the tower, otherwise people wouldn’t flock to it any more.
That’s why when they did restoration work on it at the end of the 20th century, they only reduced the lean from five and a half degress to roughly 3.99 degrees. If you don’t fix it, it’d fall, and if you do fix it, your building loses all value. Now that’s a management conundrum.
6. BETHLEHEM INN
ORIGIN: Bible story of Bethlehem
CLAIM TO FAME: Just across from a manger
DOWNSIDE: Known for turning people away
Photo source: baazitravels.com
Even if you aren’t Christian, you’ve probably heard the story of how Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem, and got turned away at the Inn. Well, two thousand years later, there is still an inn at Bethlehem, albeit probably not the same one. And you might think to yourself: “That seems like it would be a fun building to manage.”
Photo source: baazitravels.com
Not much better than a manger, really.
How would you like to be in charge of a building with the same name and location as one of the most infamous inns of all time? A lot of people are going to show up, take pictures of your hotel, laugh a lot, and then not stay there.
Care to make a little wager how many people think it would be hilarious to dress as Jesus and ask if there’s any room at the inn? Heaven forbid, if the Bible-loving tourists ever do take up all the rooms, you know every single person you turn away is going to compare themselves to Jesus.
7. HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WIZARDRY
ORIGIN: Harry Potter
CLAIM TO FAME: Moving stairways
DOWNSIDE: Magical death
Photo source: blogs.coventrytelegraph.ne
Great place to live, terrible place to manage.
Ah, Hogwarts. Thanks to the popularity of Harry Potter, nearly everyone on earth is familiar with this magical school, and many have fantasized about what fun it would be to live in a land with talking pictures and moving staircases.
Well, those are called “movies” and “escalators,” but you know what we mean. You might be able to imagine yourself in charge of such a magical building, complete with turrets, hidden passages, and so forth. And all your hopes and dreams can be destroyed with two words: “Liability Insurance.”
?Photo source: t1.gstatic.com
“Accio Premium Infinitus!”
Hogwarts may be the most dangerous place imaginable to long-term residents that isn’t a prison. Building features move randomly of their own accord. Deadly creatures roam the grounds. Members of a death cult are sprinkled among the students and faculty. And if anyone dies, or is injured on the property, the building manager gets blamed.
Who didn’t trim the Whomping Willow? Who forgot to re-align the staircases? The building manager (probably that creepy looking guy with the cat) is responsible for all of this, not to mention an insurance premium so hefty that a bucket full of golden galleons wouldn’t even begin to pay it.
With so many charming but dangerous buildings in the world, the average property manager should be glad he or she has it so good. Managing any of the buildings on this list would be terrible!